Die volgende skryfstukkie getiteld “Reasons NOT to get Married” deur ‘n sekere Dr. Randy Carlson het my nou aan die dink gesit. Maar eers die skryfstuk, deel van ‘n lesingreeks genaamd “Marriage Message”:
“…Being a husband or wife is not easy. More specific, marriage will, at times, bring great difficulty. Divorce remains prevalent because many couples do not realize this, so when trouble comes, they give up too soon, hurt and disillusioned as their definition of what a marriage should be becomes shattered.
I don’t want that to happen to you. Therefore, I put together this unusual list, and even did an entire radio program on this topic - the Seven Reasons Not to Get Married - to give you the reality check you need to go into marriage, or continue onward in your existing marriage, with your eyes wide open. Consider each one carefully and honestly.
You should probably not get married if…
1. You are unwilling to put the needs of another person above your own.
Romans 12:10 says, “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.” In the Greek, “devoted” is defined in this verse as reciprocal tenderness, while “honor” is identified as showing deference to another person. How often are these characteristics apparent in how you behave toward your fiance or spouse?
2. You are easily offended, carry grudges and are unwilling to forgive.
An overly sensitive, vengeful or calloused attitude has no place in any relationship, especially a marriage. The Bible gives you the challenging yet correct standard: “Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13b).
3. You are an abusive person (mentally, emotionally, physically).
Author and domestic violence expert Lundy Bancroft finds that abusers - who, by the way, are primarily men but also include women - abuse for a variety of reasons, including a need for power and control, finding someone to blame for their problems, and wanting to be the center of attention. Do you see yourself anywhere in these attributes?
4. You do not share the same beliefs, values, life priorities or vision.
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Oneness is essential in marriage, and its foundation is built on these characteristics.
5. You have an unresolved addiction problem.
“Like a city whose walls are broken down,” Proverbs 25:28 says, “is a man who lacks self-control.” The Web site Addictions.org lists a variety of harmful addictions affecting millions of people, including addictions to sex, shopping, sleeping, people pleasing, perfectionism, pornography, and overworking. Each will undermine a marriage if ignored.
6. Your career is the most important thing in your life.
Philippians 2:3 says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” Selfish ambition is interpreted in the Greek as “a desire to put one’s self forward, a partisan and fractious spirit,” while vain conceit is identified as “groundless, empty pride.” Examine how your profession shapes who you are. Does it bring out these traits in you?
7. You are unwilling to be an active sexual partner with your spouse.
As a couple, read 1 Corinthians 7:1-5. The Bible speaks directly to this vital issue; verse 3 is clear: “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.” There’s no room in a healthy marriage for sexual games, and an active sexual relationship works to ward off temptation to sin…”
Goed, gegewe hierdie sewe “redes” as voorbehoeding vir die huwelik (kom ons maak dit ses, met die laaste ou nommertjie het ek per se nie pyne nie 
) is die meeste van hierdie aspekte dan nie persoonlikheidsgewyse min of meer deel van elkeen van ons nie? Ek meen, is ons nie maar van nature selfsugtig, selfgesentreerd, onvergewingsgesind, oorsensitief en individualisties nie…of dan ten minste by tye en in mindere of meerdere mate so? Sou mens dan enigsins trou? En is dit nie juis daardie gevoelentheid vir ‘n lewensmaat wat ons binneste so kom omdolwe dat “ou streke” skoon vergete raak nie? Insgelyks, soos die spreekwoord lui: “old habits die hard”. En waarheid is daar sekerlik in wat Dr. Carlson sê, soos my Predikant-oom altyd, in antwoord op die skeisyfervraagstuk gesê het: “Die probleem is nie dat mense te maklik skei nie, die probleem is dat hulle te maklik trou…”
Maar wag, ek is nog ‘n losklong en vir alle praktiese doeleindes, klam agter die ore…wat dink julle van hierdie skrywe en van die uitdagings wat verhoudings voor -en na die troudag bedreig?
Dalk is dit maar net ‘n kwessie van balans…
